Author Archives: crapmaputexas

Waggener Hall (WAG)

Posted on by

Waggener Hall (WAG)

Location: Tower Area

So this review is for all those Liberal Arts kids more specifically Classics majors. Waggener Hall is between Welch and McCombs. The building is another one of those awkward building that has a ground level then actually floor numbers like 1 and 2. The worst part of your bathroom experience is actually finding the bathroom. The bathrooms are located on the 1st and 2nd floor, but they are not paired. Boy on the first and girls on the second. Such a downer when you really have to go and see that glimmer of light (aka bathroom sign) but much to your dismay its the wrong bathroom. You look around for its pair but find yourself going up or down the stairs in search of it (still needing to poop or pee or both).

Now on to the bathrooms. They’re pretty fitting for the building. They look really classy actually. The stalls are made out of this faux marble and wood that gives it a nice sophisticated-kinda-Roman-but-not-really feel. They aren’t too busy if you catch it at the right time. Granted, they don’t have many bathrooms in the building so that’s the main dumping center. The bathroom is old looking – just like the building – with plenty of stalls but it’s clean. I don’t think that it was all automatic though. Gotta keep it authentic.

TO WIPE IT UP: So the bathroom in Waggener is visually pleasing. Go there to relieve yourself and you’ll be Zeus having a Mt. Olympus sized POOP. You’re so majestic you don’t even need to wipe. (JK, but to each his/her own)

Rating:
Cleanliness:  Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 3/5
Traffic:Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 3/5
Sound: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5
Overall: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5

Traffic is based off the idea that less is better. Five poops mean the most peaceful (less likely to have people) and one poop would mean constant intruders on your poop time.

What to poop here? You’ll be in poophoria B3.

University Teaching Center (UTC)

Posted on by

University Teaching Center  (UTC)

Location: PCL Area

So the almighty UTC, the conjoined twin of the PCL. The UTC isn’t the most appealing building on campus and it can’t also be kinda confusing to maneuver. The ground floor rooms are labeled 2.whatever.  So this review will cover the bathrooms on this floor. So, the UTC is normally busy all day. The giant lecture rooms provide for a high student population. The bathrooms are decently clean, just kinda old and used. The traffic is pretty heavy so you normally have to share your space with someone. The bathrooms are hollow and ceramic so there is an slight echo. Oh, there’s also not a lot of automatic bathroom features. The UTC being some hybrid outdoor/indoor building leaves the bathrooms in an open layout. Why is this important? Because on cold days the bathrooms are freezing. When you sit down, it’ll feel like Elsa shot your butt hole and or butt cheeks with her magical ice powers, you’ll be pooping icicles. So you basically have to hover over the toilet unless you plan on being there a while to warm it up. But who wants to wait to warm up the toilet, it’s like heating up a car except you really need to poop. NO amount of toilet paper would warm you up, because its only one ply (Come on, student government).

TO WIPE IT UP: Don’t go here if you want privacy or if it’s cold. All your poop will turn into little poop cubes and that would hurt. If you want somewhere peaceful take the escalators up a couple floors they aren’t as busy as the others.

Rating:
Cleanliness:  Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 4/5
Traffic:Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 2/5
Sound: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5
Overall: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5

Traffic is based off the idea that less is better. Five poops mean the most peaceful (less likely to have people) and one poop would mean constant intruders on your poop time.

Do you want to poop here? It’s in C-4

Fawn Academic Center (FAC)

Posted on by

FAWN ACADEMIC CENTER (FAC)

Location: West Mall

Time to review the bathroom on the first floor of the Fawn Academic Center. This one it near the elevators and stair case. The FAC was renovated in the Summer of 2012, so the bathrooms are all up to date. They’re automatic, but that’s nothing special. The FAC is always full of people studying, especially in the afternoon to evening time frame and so are the bathrooms. The first floor is always the most busy and they have a small bathroom to accommodate for it. When you walk in you’re like “hey this is pretty nice, the sitting area is cool, I bet this bathroom is nice and spacy”. Then you turn the corner and you’re like “lol, just kidding”. It’s only a three staller. Basically, you’re guaranteed to share your poop space with someone else, most of the time at least 1/3 stalls will be occupied. Even though it’s clean, the forcefulness of hearing and sharing the soundd of bodily fluids/chunks leave the body is unfortunate. And like always… wrap the toilet paper around your hand around 20 times for a good, no-accidentally-touched-my-poop wipe.

TO WIPE IT UP: Have a fear of people hearing you poop? Don’t go here. But hey, here’s an idea… gather two friends and stake out in the unnecessary lounge area and have an awesome buddy dump. By the end of it you’ll probably have an audience 😉

Rating:
Cleanliness:  Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 4/5
Traffic:Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 2/5
Sound: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM2/5
Overall: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5

Traffic is based off the idea that less is better. Five poops mean the most peaceful (less likely to have people) and one poop would mean constant intruders on your poop time.

Do you want to poop here? (don’t do it) It’s in B-3

Student Activity Center (SAC)

Posted on by

STUDENT ACTIVITY CENTER (SAC)

Location: East Mall

There are various restrooms in the SAC, the one I will review is the one on the second floor next to the ballroom AKA the one’s unnaturally close the elevators. This bathroom, like the CLA, still has that “new building/new bathroom” feel to it.  The bathroom itself is cleaned frequency, so you don’t have to worry about germs (at least for the a public bathroom). Stall amount is pretty fair, completed with automatic everything. The only downside to this bathroom is the amount of people that use it. The SAC is constantly full of people, so the bathroom to people ratio is not in your favor. However, this bathroom isn’t used as much as the one on the ground floor near Starbucks. So if you have the time make the trek to the second floor. Oh yes, the toilet paper is just as shitty as the shit you will be wiping off  (like always).

TO WIPE IT UP: The SAC bathroom on the second floor is not the most ideal to take a poop, unless its a quick stop-and-drop. Did your Zen or Taco Cabana rip through you like a river rapid? Run up the stairs and drop the quickie.

Rating:
Cleanliness:  Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 4/5
Traffic:Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 2/5
Sound: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5
Overall: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5

Traffic is based off the idea that less is better. Five poops mean the most peaceful (less likely to have people) and one poop would mean constant intruders on your poop time.

Do you want to poop here? It’s in C-3

Welch Hall (WEL)

Posted on by

Welch Hall (WEL)

Location: Tower Area

Oh, the infamous Welch Hall, more commonly known as Welch. Whether you’re in the College of Natural Sciences, Engineering, Business  or even Liberal Arts, you’ve managed to have a class here. So you’ve probably been like “Where do I go to the bathroom in this hot mess of a building?!” Well I can tell you the bathroom NOT to go in. On the second floor of Welch in the hallway with all the huge lecture rooms there is a bathroom. Unlike all those new buildings with nice bathrooms, this particular bathroom has been used and abused. The toilets in the this bathroom have gotten more ass than anyone could ever imagine. The bathroom does get cleaned, but the old used look isn’t too appealing. Something strange too, there’s an annoying buzzing sound throughout the room. This could be nice to mask all the “plop” noises. Side note: I’ve heard that in the women’s bathroom there are inspirational sayings written on the wall? (Can’t be positive, but I’ll let you know.)

TO WIPE IT UP: Not many successful poops will be made in this bathroom, just like that test you just took in lecture hall across from you. Only pre-exam, nervous poops in this bathroom. Might I suggest BYOTP, bring your own toilet paper. The stuff they give you shouldn’t even count. You have to almost triple the wipes using that “less than paper thin” toilet paper.

Rating:
Cleanliness:  Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 2/5
Traffic:Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 1/5
Sound: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5
Overall: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM2/5

Traffic is based off the idea that less is better. Five poops mean the most peaceful (less likely to have people) and one poop would mean constant intruders on your poop time.

Do you want to poop here? You shouldn’t, but if you have to it’s in B-3

College of Liberal Arts Building (CLA)

Posted on by

COLLEGE OF LIBERAL ARTS BUILDING (CLA)

Location: East Mall

I have yet to use the bathrooms on the upper levels, but the bathroom on the lower levels are very nice. I guess you could classify “lower level” as the basement but you can still see outside? Whatever. The building is fairly new so they bathrooms still have that new feel to them. When I used the bathroom it was around 11 am and only one person was in there. The stalls were huge or at larger than the average bathroom and their were plenty of them! It was large enough that you could pick one in the far corner to seemingly lessen the sound effects (if that makes you feel better). The toilet paper was the average industrial grade that you have to use 10+ plies avoid skid marks. The toilets had automatic flush, a nice touch. The bathroom could cause some echos due to its large stalls.

TO WIPE IT UP: This bathroom was one of the nicest bathrooms I’ve used on campus. The ideal time for use is before classes release/start.

Rating:
Cleanliness: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 5/5
Traffic: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5
Sound: Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM3/5
Overall:Screen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PMScreen Shot 2014-02-10 at 5.10.55 PM 4/5

Traffic is based off the idea that less is better. Five poops mean the most peaceful (less likely to have people) and one poop would mean constant intruders on your poop time.

Do you want to poop here? It’s in C-3